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As mentioned many times elsewhere, Iain Cain is the man who I fled from when I came to the United States. I once called him a father, which is something none of his children are willing to do anymore. I realized he was a sociopath long before fleeing. He had always been a bit of a sexual pervert, but as I grew into puberty, he became worse in proportion to his involvement in a Satanic religion. He now satisfies his pedophilic yearnings with the ladyboys (boys in drag) in Thailand, and he is even featured in a digital movie about his "experience" in Thailand, which is viewable on the internet.
Iain Cain has been a text-book sociopathic abuser for as long as I can remember. He does what all sociopathic abusers do. He attacks, marginalizes, and discredits his victims without any sense of remorse. He actually succeeded in convincing my mother that she was crazy, before driving her to suicide. He still belittles her and her life twelve years after her death, because she took away his power to control her when she died, and it is another way of hurting me. This is what drives these type of people: power and control. All they understand is jealously and self-service. I can barely imagine his rage and jealously if in the future I marry someone. I wonder if, in his twisted mind, it would make me "unfaithful" to him, and you do know what I mean.
He still cannot leave me alone. So desperate is he to marginalize me, and make me seem crazy, that he has created an online profile impersonating me. He boasted of it in an attempt to upset me. He even paid someone to help him create it. The profile is just too well done to be Iain's work. He has great difficultly with even simple English, and no comprehension whatsoever of capitalization. He is totally devoid of creativity making it quite obvious that he hired someone to help him. He has no real friends who would help for free. Their creation is exceedingly well done. His bizarre two-dimensional Sarah is so well done that even I had a great laugh about it. (Iain, you got your money's worth.) The profile they created is not likely to stay up for long, so I have included a couple of screen-shots for you to see this masterpiece for yourself.
You Just have to see this:
| Screen Shot #1 | Screen Shot #2 |
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I intend to soon begin leading a group, in order to help young people who have been effected by abusive relationships. It will be available for youths in Davie County, and its surrounding areas. The channels which I originally intended on using for this are temporarily closed to me, due to many of the local politicians and officials having dramatically serious issues with honesty. So deplorable is the honesty issue for the local power brokers that they are afraid of the words of this seventeen-year-old girl. I can imagine them cringing in rage even as they read this, and I know they shall. If there is anything I know about corrupt people: it is they are as predictable as they are shallow. The great tragedy of this situation is that most of the local people to whom I refer are involved in the welfare of children as part of their career; either directly or indirectly. Their attempts at preventing me from reaching young people in order to protect themselves from criticisms written on this blog is sadly business as usual for them. The infamous behavior of some of them somehow makes news in the local paper on a weekly basis, and so the taint of disgrace follows them. Every local reader will immediately know this particular group from the previous statement alone. Is it not telling? Thomas has told me that he is certain a couple of these people are not too bad morally, so I must wonder the personal price paid by the good ones for their guilt-by-association. It is often said that power corrupts, but this is only half of the truth. The missing part is that it is those who are the most corrupt who seek power the most aggressively. Abuse is always about power: creating power, and maintaining power.
I am aware that I have hundreds of young readers of this blog. If you are one of those people, and you would like to be part of the discussion group about abuse, or even speak to me privately, then contact me. You can find my contact information on this blog. You may also call me at: 336-936-0018. Please do not hesitate to call, write, or message me. I can promise you that I will not lie to you, manipulate you, or betray your trust, and I make a bloody good friend. I also have no agenda, nor quota for destroying peoples' lives.
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I called Kaci yesterday, and I said that I would try and make it up to the Domestic Violence office today. Unfortunately, I was still working at 6:00 AM on the book this morning, so I really did not get enough sleep. Although, I will try again tomorrow, because this will be my last chance before Thanksgiving on Thursday. The office will be closed both Thursday and Friday for the holiday. Thanksgiving is something that I have never celebrated before, since it is not an English celebration, and we were far too busy this time last year.
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I have uploaded a video to Youtube with some topics covered in my book which may be of interest. In the video, I also proudly show one of our baby bunny rabbits. Click the above picture to watch it. Other videos will be coming in the future. Click here to watch all of my You-Tube videos. In the case of technical problems, here is an alternative download of the movie in the mpeg-4 format.
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Last night I spoke to Richard's brother, Jason, to find that he is doing well. Although, he is still recovering from the news of what happened to Richard, and from his own memories of their times together in childhood. It was a really nice conversation, and it has been a long time since I have talked to him. Jason will be in the book, since Richard dragged him into our relationship during break-ups as the person he could trust to gather information about how distraught I was. I am thankful that Jason does not hold a grudge against me for what happened to Richard, as I expected he might have. Instead, I found that Jason knew about the dark side of Richard's personality, and was simply hoping that such a relationship as ours was not in progress.
I have worked on the book all day today and I am about to finish Chapter 5 titled "R". I have been thinking a lot about the future possibilities of the book, and it has been a long time since I have done that. Reflecting helped, because I have been so fixated on completing the book that I ironically forgot the things which motivated me originally. I know how many people this book will help, and I am really excited about it.
I want to get a lot more done before school starts, and I set up the group at Davie High School. I am afraid that a lot of my time may be consumed with that, and I intend to get the book finished by October.
I am also expecting to receive a call soon from Davie Domestic Violence, as they said they will call as they will soon need help at the office. That will give me a little break from the book, but it will not distract me too much. I spoke to Kim, who works there, and she told me that she would most probably be doing the school presentations which me and Kacy did last year. She invited me to join her.
There are lots of things getting started soon, so I need to work feverishly on the book over the next few weeks and see where I can get with it. Thomas is currently working on the less pleasant business aspects such as tweaking the official proposal document. A proposal document is the foundation for any mass published work. It is basically a lengthy sales pitch (ie. 50 pages) with excerpts from the book, which is used to entice contract offers from literary agents and publishers. That is going well.
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Well, the summer break is over for all the kids from Mocksville, and for that matter, most of the U.S.. Apart from the extra school traffic, I am actually quite glad that the schools are back in, especially our high school.
I mentioned a few months ago the prospect of me leading an abuse counseling group at Davie High School for victims. I hope to return there and speak with one of the school's guidance counselors when things begin getting settled again, in a couple of weeks. I have already spoken with her once, but I need to resubmit the proposal, lest I risk delays due to the multitude of distracting student issues. I will also need need her assistance with things such as setting the schedule, and relegating a place where I can conduct the group, etc. She was really encouraging when I last spoke to her, and I have no doubt that she will be whenever I speak to her again in a few weeks.
I have mixed feelings about how to eliminate the initial resistance of students about discussing difficult issues, as I remember the way in which I was first directed toward receiving abuse counseling, around two years ago.
I do not remember who I first inquired with, but I remember going through the NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) and victim support units, as well as speaking to my counselor from Eckington Engineering College, in England. The counselor at my school was Sue Towers, and we got on great. She became like a friend, despite her age which would have made her more like a teacher than a peer. Yet, I felt safe being open with her. She often came to collect me from lessons each week, so that I could talk to her, and vent myself. She did everything she could to help me, and I will always appreciate her kind efforts. I had expected one-on-one counseling, with complete privacy. I was offered group counseling at several opportunities, but it just was not the same. I had to be able to connect with someone before I could tell what was basically my life story. I could not bring myself to trust a whole group, especially when that group was my student peers of the same age. I am really glad that I found Sue in the end.
These experiences help me to relate to the group which is planned. I do not want anyone to feel as I did. I want to be able to offer one-on-one counseling if a person needs it. I know that some people will certainly need it, even though most young people prefer to speak in a group. They feel protected in group settings. Although, I do not wish to be helpful to only 'most' young people who need it. I hope that I will be able to establish something which enables me to also help the minority of students who prefer to speak about their experiences without the group in-tow. This minority will be the most wounded ones -- the ones who need me the most. I shall discuss this with the guidance counselor whenever I go to coordinate the group meetings with her.
The idea of an abuse support group at Davie High School first came to me when I visited the school, speaking about my abuse with Kacy Corriher from DDVS (Davie Domestic Violence Services). The teacher of the class is Amelia Little and she is lovely Christian woman. She teaches about domestic violence and celibacy, and I find her to be really friendly and helpful. After I performed a couple of speeches in her classes, we began to speak for longer periods, and more frequently. I brought up the idea of this group with her. She responded by taking me to see one of the guidance counselors, since they would be able to tell me if the group would be feasible, and if we already had enough people to merit an official group. I was told that there was more than enough for a group, and new kids were reporting abusive behavior to the school all the time. I quickly realized that the time was right. Obviously, there was already a need for a group of this stature, and I am really glad that I can help using my experiences, and the knowledge that I have gained doing research.
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Graeme, who posts on this blog, has recently been insistent upon us going on holiday for a little while. Because of this, we are thinking about taking a trip to the beach soon. A break and change of scenery would be nice. It may also help us to refocus upon our return. I expect it to be hot, and I wonder how long I would be able to bare it without air conditioning on the beach.
I have been working on the book over the last few days, which is why I have not been posting. I have finally gotten my mind back to working on it, and it is progressing. I am over my 'writers block'. I find it difficult writing the book at times, since many parts of it still trigger powerful emotions. It is challenging writing about something rationally, and with understanding, when so much of it feels like it was only yesterday; stimulating emotions which I thought were gone. Some of the book has in depth details which are humiliating and often difficult for me to write about. So, I am often left feeling for the victims who are still going through it, and who are trying to manage everything in their lives around the vain hope of avoiding the rages of their abusers. Many of these victims have been trained from youth to respond to abusers, and rarely escape from the abuse cycle. They are the reason I am doing this.
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I would like to thank the man who has recently been seeking to protect me, although I do not wish to name him publicly. Be advised kind sir, that Iain is not physically dangerous to me anymore. Although he does continue to play numerous psychological games attempting to regain his lost sense of power. He routinely calls authorities with bogus charges attempting to get me into trouble, in the same cowardly fashion that a certain set of our neighbors have done. (By the way, a welcome to my blog goes to all you law-enforcement people reading this.) Where ever possible, he attempts to spread absurd rumors. Iain also impersonates his former girlfriend hoping to gain trust and information which could either be used against me, or simply used to mock me. He actually believes that he is intelligent enough to manipulate me and the people I know, since he frequently manipulates other people with lower intelligence. He forges documents purportedly written by me to prove how crazy I am, but does so in a dissimilar handwriting style, and with incorrect facts about me. Through it all, he has only succeeded in making himself look worse. In some ways, my brief interactions with him now are like comic relief from the serious issues that I write about. The more he attempts to silence me, the more it proves that he indeed has something to hide. He is a sad, pathetic man. It is often hard to tell whether Iain or Ruth is to blame for certain acts, due to Iain's impersonations of her; but I really do not feel at risk from either of them anymore. The psychological games no longer affect me, the spiritual warfare does not bother me, and I am far away from any physical danger from them.
So, I ask you to not risk yourself on my account, as I am safe and happy. Thank you, and God bless you.
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Over the past week, several new members have entered my online chat, including Iain (my father) and his current girlfriend. Iain has only entered twice, and on the second occasion I felt that there would be no harm in me to speaking with him. After the conversation, I realized our conversation would help abuse victims understand what fuels an abuser. He plays several games of fear, which includes threats of involving the police, and contends that he has destroyed my credibility back home. Many of his threats I know to be false, due to regular contact with people in England. In the cases where I am not sure about the validity of his claims, I still have no fear of him or his words, for I know that I am safe now.
Follow this link if you feel brave enough to read it: Chatting With Iain
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I recently came across a problem with the book, while organizing "The Abuser" sections. We thought we were mostly finished with this, but we are now rethinking the organization of certain parts. For instance: society treats sexual abuse differently, and it is still a taboo topic in many respects. The topic of neglect gets practically no attention at all in the mainstream media. However, there are frequent discussions of emotional and physical abuse. Because of these patterns, I am not sure if pedophiles and neglectful parents should be included within the typical abuser section; even though all categories of abusers have some similar personality traits. Our book should break ground by demonstrating that abusers possess a certain distinguishable personality type, which is an extreme form of extroversion, and victims tend to have a certain personality type as well. Most authors bypass these issues altogether by writing either of typical abusers, or neglectful parents, or sexual predators, but never all at the same time. They have either missed the big picture, or it is just too ambitious for them.
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Today I have added 'Appendix A: The Abuser Profile' to the sidebar. This page points out the common personality traits of abusers. I posted this in order to help our readers spot abusive relationships, which only escalate with time. The book explains how and why abusive relationships usually get worse as the abuser's sense of powerlessness increases. For now, I hope that this helps any of our readers who are struggling with an abusive partner. I know from experience the emotional damage they can cause, and I hope to stop such suffering in others.
It is not my goal to destroy families, unlike many writers on abuse. At the same time, I do understand the need to escape an abusive home in some circumstances. I hope our book, and possibly some of the pages here can help readers who are trapped in such relationships to truly understand their situation and themselves. Self-understanding is required for both the victim and the abuser, in order for there to be hope in repairing an abusive relationship.
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We have a neighboring family who has become obsessed with our family. We are not certain as to what triggered the obsession, but it apparently began not long after I arrived. I seem to have an uncanny ability to draw out all the freaks from any crowd. Lucky me. They go outside whenever they hear us. Then they seat themselves on their porch, and watch us in the same way that most people watch television. Weird does not even describe it. It does not matter what the activity is, or how boring it is. We could be mowing, waxing a car, or raking leaves. Whatever we do is intensely interesting for them. They stare without speaking.
It would not be so bad if the neighbors only stared at us, but that was just the beginning of their obsessive behavior. Over the last couple of months they have made about a dozen bogus calls to the local emergency services. For instance, when we burnt the leaves from our lawn, they called the fire department to report that we had started a forest fire with utter disregard for public safety. We are not surprised when we see fire trucks roaring toward our house anymore. We have to pity those poor volunteer firemen who are dragged away from work and family to only find that they are the butt of someone's idea of a joke. Making false emergency calls is illegal, so we are confused about why criminal charges were not filed. Of course, it was a mistake for them to not file charges because it only encouraged more of this type of behavior. When the fire department did not harass us enough after several of their visits, the neighbors decided to contact the EPA about our burning, and also about the fire department's purported disregard for the law. So, we got a visit from the EPA too.
Apparently, like in the mind-set of a manipulative abuser, their sense of powerlessness in controlling us enraged them. Their stares became sneers. Honestly, I think that I have actually heard them making almost growling sounds at us. They began making mocking statements they hoped we would hear whenever we were out, and came outside to make loud snickering sounds whenever we practiced karate. The fact that we ignored them only seemed to make them more angry. This told us much about what kind of people they are.
Next they began calling the dog warden whenever we were away, and complained to him that we had a vicious dog roaming. According to them, our dog is blood-thirsty for the blood of innocent children. The first time they attempted this, we coincidentally arrived at the same time as the warden and a local deputy did. Yet again it was obviously a hoax, and once again, no charges were filed for making a false emergency call. Since we have not actually seen the dog warden again, it is safe to assume that he is not willing to be played for a fool. Although, we have seen deputies dispatched again to assess the situation with our killer dog. We eventually installed several "BEWARE OF DOG" signs to mock them, and let them know that despite all of their efforts, we still have no fear of them. I do not believe they were happy about those signs at all, because they were strategically positioned to be close-up, and in plain sight whenever they go outside. Sometimes we play with the dog outside to break the tension of their stares. We know how much our happy play time with the dog gives them warm feelings inside.
This weekend, we got another visit. It was not the fire department this time, nor the EPA. This time, it was the Sheriff's Department again. As of now, the only people they have not yet called to report us to is the Emergency Medical Service, and I hope this statement is not giving them more ideas. Things got interesting Saturday night. We were practicing karate outside as usual, and equally as usual, they came outside to sneer at us. They staggered drunkenly on their porch, and fell several times, I recall. We remembered just how much they loved our small fires, so we decided to have a marshmallow roast near the boundary of our yards. As Thomas began to light the fire, the sneers turned into yelling. The mother's most recent boyfriend yelled something which sounded very much like this: "No way mother trucker! You ain't going to lite no fudging fire! You'd better pit dat fire out, and get the fudge outta ma yard before I come over dare and kick yur arse!" Of course we really were not even in his yard. Thomas continued rather emotionless building the fire. Then Thomas calmly yelled back that we were actually in our own yard, and invited them to join us for the marshmallow roast. They began squealing more threats and vulgarities. The calm and carefree manner in which Thomas responded was much more than they could tolerate. I remember in particular hearing the boyfriend yell something sounding like: "I am going to kick yur mother trucking arse you mother truckin' weirdo!" Then he even made threats toward me. Thomas gave me one of those looks which told me his patience was almost gone in lieu of the most recent statements. The neighbor then activated his yard sprinkler to hose us down with water. Thomas looked at me and coldly said: "Get the baseball bat." He gave me one of those looks which told me it was best to not ask any potentially annoying questions, so I quietly went to get it. Andrea grabbed it first and took it to him. As Thomas marched into the neighbor's yard, I hoped he was not planning anything drastic, but I had to wonder. It was a relief to see him striking the sprinkler instead of the neighbors. He must have hit it ten times with his aluminum bat; pulverizing it. Later, he told me that he took the bat for two reasons: destroying the sprinkler was easier, and having that bat decreased the chances of the neighbor doing something incredibly stupid -- like attempting to attack him.
After many visits from emergency personnel, we were finally able to deduce how they went from having a fixation upon us to having a neurotic obsession with us; even though understanding it did not make it any less twisted. It began for them many months ago when their son came to our yard to play with Zachary often. Their son has behavioral, developmental, and defiance issues because his single mother (with many boyfriends) does not provide him with any discipline, or any other parental guidance as far as we can tell. Zachary was always a much better boy in every way. The neighbor's son had a tendency to leave his toys strewn throughout our yard, and this was one of the many issues Andrea and Thomas lectured him about. He just did not seem to care. The mother even ignored it all, as they lectured him about his behavior in close proximity to her. During the last of these occasions, Thomas demanded he take his plastic baseball bat home. The kid was very rude about it, and stated that he would do whatever he wanted. Thomas trashed the bat, and promised to discard whatever was left in the yard in the future. This is how the petty childish war began for those people. It concerned a $1.00 plastic baseball bat.
I now remember how she dispatched her five-year-old son to tell us that he could not play with Zachary until we bought him a new bat, and demanded that we do it immediately. They stared at us during this in a manner to suggest that we should be afraid. Of course we never did. We were astonished that these people could hide behind a five-year-old child, while using him to blackmail us, and while refusing to take responsibility for the direct role they played in causing the situation. We do not respond well to blackmail, or to people who use children as weapons.
Never has this neighbor cared about or even considered that the problem is due to her being a failure as a human being for her not being a parent to her own child, and that there are consequences which they will eventually be made to pay for it, when he becomes another monster residing within in the criminal justice system. Poor kid.
There was one funny aspect of our most recent visit by law enforcement. The neighbors were caught lying to the deputies about where the boundary of their yard was. The deputies realized they were lying after they noticed that the edge of the neighbor's lawn mowing pattern matched exactly where we had told them the boundary was. The neighbors then began yelling about various things in an attempt to distract the deputies' attention away from their discovery. The deputies seemed quite unimpressed to say the least, and we wondered at that point if they would make arrests for disorderly conduct and communicating threats. The next morning, the neighbors mowed into our yard to annex the part that they had decided they already own. What makes this even more interesting is that as renters, they really have no claim to anything.
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Hey,
I just thought that I'd leave a posting to let you know that I am fine and we haven't been doing much over the last few days. I drove again today, on the wrong(right) side of the road, it is strange to drive on the right when I am used to the left with lots of roundabouts.
On Saturday I am going to do a display with the local Domestic Violence group, which will be okay. I don't find that particularly thrilling, but I am with people that I know, so I'm sure it will be fine. It will last 3 hours. Early in June, me and Andrea are going to walk for victims of Domestic Violence, along with others in the area. We have been trying to get businesses to sponsor us -- it will be fun I imagine.
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Since we are more than half way done with our book, we believe that this may be a good time to begin our search for a literary agent. Of course, if they are not in our area, then it is not an issue; but we do need for them to have a certain type of history with authors. We are searching for agents who have been moral in the sort of people that they have held as clients. If anyone who reads the blog has suggestions, then we would be pleased to hear it. Our lengthy proposal document (which is basically a teaser document) is not being posted here due to the fact that publishers might be uncomfortable with it being made public at this stage.
More information about the Book can be found by simply clicking on the Categories: Book link to the right, or by emailing me at using the Contact Me link. If you are an agent, then we can send you our proposal upon request.
Sarah
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I've been doing well today. Most of the evening has been spent working on the book which we are writing. We have made a lot of progress but still; much is to be done.
All of our pets are healthy and happy, there isn't much to say about them. I am speaking again tomorrow, twice I believe; and I shall be finishing earlier than usual due to both being set for early in the day.
That is good as it means I can do the speeches at the high school in the morning and early afternoon, coming home to work on the Book and do anything else.
We are going to have to get back to the karate training soon but there have been so many bugs going around that we haven't been well enough to practice as much as I would like, and I pulled a muscle in my back as well.
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