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I recently had a dream which troubled me until Thomas helped me to understand it. The dream presented my history with the BNP (British National Party) in a way that I had neither considered, nor wanted to admit.
While I do not intend to fill up this post telling about the details of that dream, I think that the revelation which came afterward is something many readers will find interesting.
When I started in the British National Party, I had very noble intentions. I naively believed that I could save the world from itself through politics, and that I would do it in less than ten years. I believed that I could save a world that did not wish to be saved, and a people who were oblivious to their own wrongdoing. I felt that I had a duty to do what nobody else could.
The first meeting I ever attended had around 50 individuals, and the public speakers included Nick Griffin, Nick Cass, and Ian Smith. I had just turned twelve-years-old. I found the speeches to be boring and repetitious, but I nevertheless loved the fraternal atmosphere. The excitement of it fueled my adrenaline, and I felt immediately accepted by the group. I did not sense anyone being patronizing of my age, and all the participants seemed to hold a mutual respect. I spoke to the chairman of the British National Party, Nick Griffin, at the end of the meeting, and I told him of my views. I told him about my own experiences with different cultures, and how I felt that they were alienating my own. I believed that Britain's Christian history contained much better times, and it was a far better country to reside in during those. I wanted to help Britain return to the Christian country that it once was. He seemed impressed by my outlook, and I eventually sat down with some more experienced members. My father and Nick spoke after that, and I was invited to speak at the Red, White, and Blue festival. From then on, my social life would revolve around politics. Believing that I was at the beginning of my quest to save the world, I dedicated everything to the British National Party. Most importantly, I dedicated time, and friends. I was the only twelve-year-old who would prefer to invest time in a leafleting campaign than attend a sleepover. My speech at the 2003 Red, White, and Blue was where I first made a name for myself, and for a while; everyone knew who I was. Many of the 2,000 listeners still remember my speech, and it was an experience that meant more to me than anything else.
Throughout the next year, I heard the term 'power' frequently; usually in reference to where we were headed. We would gain 'power' in parliament; and when we got this 'power', there were lots of changes that would be made. While love is the opposite of power, my love of country, and all the initial reasons why I joined the BNP were rapidly fading into the shadows.
"Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other."
-- Dr. Carl G. Jung
Perhaps the change that politics brought upon me is normal, not just in the British National Party, but politics as a whole. Ironically, my speeches discussed the love of my country, whilst I began focusing on the prospect of winning council seats and gaining power. I learned to despise career politicians, especially those from opposing parties. In retrospect, I do not think that these emotions were unjustified, as many of these politicians have continually labored to erode the freedoms of the people they pretended to serve. In fact, the biggest problem with the British government is that it does not represent the people, but instead it continually removes civil liberties under the guise of protectionism.
The change that took place within myself was eventually projected into my speeches. By the time I turned 14, I frequently recited the party's strategies for avoiding 'ethnic cleansing', and intentionally provoked the passions of my listeners. Those speeches inspired many, and tremendously aided in funding efforts, but my intentions were no longer pure. I believe that at this time my belief system which once revolved around patriotism had become warped into the politics of hate. The politics of hate is the politics of fear. Nearby hate can always be found the love of something that people believe is vulnerable, and are afraid of losing. The result of mass fear is eventually mass rage, especially when the fear is exploited politically.
I progressively lost track of what was happening, and eventually I began to hate even some who were innocent. Sometimes these were other races, or cultures; even though the people who were truly responsible for the national problems were the politicians in high places. The guilty were the treasonous politicians who created and used the problems to cement their power, while pretending that they, and their solutions, were our only hope. Government was never the solution, for it intentionally creates the problems to justify its own existence. Its newest business venture is, of course, terrorism.
The British National Party had begun to appear in the news media more often, and society progressively began to accept it as an electable political party. Meanwhile, my trust for Nick Griffin strengthened, and I believed that we would soon gain power with him as our leader. My naive attitude would be proven wrong at each election. Whilst we did win council seats, we failed to ever gain a single MP (Member of Parliament). We all knew that the elections were a fraud, and were rigged beyond belief; but the subsequent demoralizations did not cause us to waver in fighting.
By the time I resigned from my political career, I had become a mere tool for gaining money in election campaigns. In retrospect, I believe that I began my political life as a young girl, who was merely trying to do the right thing, and who loved the acceptance of the group. Eventually, I grew into a teenager who was taught to crave power, and who allowed herself to be used for Nick Griffin's financial gain.
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